Missing my Other Half

I should be finishing the rest of my paper that's due tomorrow. But I'm so frustrated that I just need to write, or maybe cry, or maybe a combination of both. I really think that if (some) girls haven't cried in a long time they just need to let it out. I happen to be one of those people. I let everything build up and up and up and then it comes crashing down on me and I subsequently come tumbling down as well.

The next three weeks are anything short of hectic for me. I have 5 tests, 4 papers, and 3 projects due. And then Aaron comes home (yay).

I'm so ready for him to be home. I need him here. I feel so....missunderstood...by people at school. I've taken on a new roll getting married to a military man. And I don't think that I wanted to admit it before but if it was possible I became more opinionated and more outspoken being a military wife. I stand up for my husband, his fellow soldiers, other families, etc when people don't understand. I'm astounded by the ignorance of some people. I think if I have one more non military person tell me they can relate to my situation because their significant other was gone for X amount of weeks I'll scream. Or my personal favorite, "Dang, you're so young to be married. Why did you get married? It's just Iraq. He'll be back. Wow, you must miss him."

1. I might be young, but I love my husband and we were going to get married anyways. He is my rock and my foundation and maybe I did find my true love at a young age, but that's fine with me--just means I get to spend more years loving him
2. We got married because that place that you mentioned he is "just Iraq" is a war zone. People are shot at. Kinda scary, and my husband wants me to be taken care of if (HEAVEN FORBID) anything were to happen to him, and I want to carry his last name--it's one of the most important gifts he could have given me and I'm proud to be apart of his family.
3. Yes, idiot. I miss him every single day. But our relationship is founded on so much more than a longing to be with each other. I could not have imagined a better relationship with someone and I thank my parents for being great examples for what a Godly and loving marriage should look like. So yes, I miss my husband. But at the same time we are growing together while we are apart. God is looking after him and his men and we'll be together again soon.

I miss not being in Killeen. People there understand you, they're going through it too. Understand that you're having a bad day cause it's 3pm and you should have heard from your husband by now. Understand that sometimes you burst into random tears (AND don't judge you for it). I need the people in my life who understand what deployments are like. I need to be with my family. I need my dog. I need to be living my new life. I am so desperate for December to come. I just want to graduate and move on. Be done with this place and start bigger and better things. There are so many people that can help me that I haven't even met yet.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm imagining it all, or making it a bigger deal than it is. I have never been one to put up with someones crap. You mess with me, I'm not going to be your favorite person later. I have embodied my "Don't mess with an army wife" t-shirt (and wear it proudly! It's one of my favorites). It's hard for people to not know that I'm an army wife, this new roll that I have embodied. I have an ACU bag that says ARMY WIFE right on the name tape, I wear (and fiddle with when bored) Aaron's dog tags. I joke not to mess with me because they taught us how to fight in military wife training school, and to my surprise people actually believe me that there is a military wife training school--hmm maybe we should look into that???

I went up to every one of my professors and explained to them my situation, something along the lines of "my husband is in Iraq, he knows when I have class and shouldn't be calling unless it's an emergency. In the event that he does, I need to take it." Most of my professors were fine with it. Didn't have a problem (2 of them have served before). One said he understood and just to sit on the outside of the row by the door if I was expecting a call. (Now I'm not looking for special treatment, I just wanted them to be aware that if I ran out of the room unannounced, that was why) Well there was one day that Aaron was supposed to have been back from a mission 3 days prior. My teacher noted my different seat, made a comment about it and I lost it. Maybe I'm overly emotional while Aaron's gone, I don't know. But ever since then I haven't been really the same. My professor sparked this attitude in me. I'm sure it will get me into trouble with people if it hasn't already. But now I'm just not going to put up with people talking down to me, etc. I've been a strong and outspoken person for a while--ask my father, I get it from him :)--

I just need my other half back home, it's totally cheesy but he really does "complete me." I need to be around people who understand. I long for that day.....

Words could not express....

how proud I am to be a member of the Norman Community. It's great to see a community come together to support our troops, even the fallen heroes. You hear about it all the time, but to actually be able to see it and know where they were is a great feeling.

http://oudaily.com/news/2008/oct/05/veterans-honor-norman-soldier-killed-iraq-helicopt/

Though I was unable to attend, I did recognize a lot of familiar faces as I flipped through the pictures online--including several of Aaron's ROTC friends and cadre. I have a tremendous amount of respect for members of the Patriot Guard and think what they are doing is amazing.

Just thought I'd share--
God Bless

7 Days down 105 to go

Well school has officially started and my semester will be anything but easy. Starting next week I don't get a break from tests/projects till November. Yaaay for my last semester in college!

OU had a blow out Saturday in their season opener--I was glad I didn't go because about half time, hurricane winds came blowing through and a massive down pour started. So I was nice and dry while everyone else that went was soaking wet.

Aaron surprised me with flowers and a hand written note--he must have had this planned for a while :) It was really sweet and I cried of course when I saw his note. But it was a nice touch after such a long first week.

The guys that live below us made us hamburgers for lunch on Saturday and in exchange we're making breakfast this morning. Everyone here is really nice, some even know Aaron, and they're all really understanding of our situation--which helps a lot.

School starts Monday!

Well I'm all moved in and settled for my last semester in Norman. (yay) I've taken care of getting school supplies and my books (3 books-$450.00--ridiculous!). I finally got my ACU purse that is a lot bigger than I thought it would be so I think it's going to double as my school bag too. It's super cute! :) I keep getting asked though if I'm really an army wife. I really want to respond with "no I just like to carry it around for fun, it's a fashion statement." Yes. I'm really an Army wife.

The apartment is nice--clean, small, but just right for two people. The kitchen isn't bad--it'll do for 5 months.

We did have one drawer in the kitchen that wouldn't open unless the over door was open, but we pushed the oven as far back as it would go (even had to tilt it to one side) so that it would open with out opening the oven door.

On an unrelated note--Sam (my roommate and I) went and laid out by the pool yesterday:

I got so into my book that I was reading that I forgot to turn over a second time. I'm now a lobster on the front side of my body. haha

2 Weeks Down

Two weeks down--too many to count to go.

I went back to Norman last Monday to get settled back into my house and start working again before school started. Aaron successfully made it to Iraq last week and has already been out on a mission with his team. He called sooner than I expected him to saying he was back and my first reaction when I saw the number on my phone was oh gosh somethings gone wrong. But nothing was, he just got back early. He seems to be enjoying himself for the most part--as much as you can in the middle of the desert and was able to snap a couple of pictures--this one is my favorite--No one can decide how they're supposed to wear their beret:

I have been good at keeping myself occupied--I've been working everyday, but won't continue when school starts so I can focus on my class work and be readily available should Aaron need me. I just feel much better about having free time during the day to be able to talk to him when HE needs to--and it's on HIS time schedule, not mine. I've also been thoroughly engrossed in the Stephanie Meyer's Twilight Series. I bought the first one Sunday and was finished with it by Wednesday. SOO GOOD! I love books that grab your attention and "take you away" into a different place. It's a vampire love story--but not like Dracula--It's really good, and the first movie is coming out later this year.

Other than that I haven't done much-- Aaron sent me BEAUTIFUL flowers last week, it was an ordeal to get them to my house, but so totally worth it once I read his sweet words that went along with his beautiful gift. And I got a letter from him last week from while he was in Kuwait. I love reading his letters--Aaron can always make me smile! :)

I've missed him a lot, but I think that's to be expected--but I have pictures EVERY place you could imagine--my car, my room, my phone, my computer, it's decked out in Aaron and Chuck stuff (can't forget my other lazy boy in Cedar Park!! I miss his fat butt too!!)

But I'm two weeks stronger and absence really does make the heart grown fonder.

Love you, Aaron!! See you soon!

I won't let go

Today wasn't the best, lets be real here.

Aaron left this morning a little after 0500. We stayed up all night, and I'm still running on only 1 hour of sleep (if that). Our families gathered around 0230 to spend our last hours with him. I was queasy the whole time. But I did fine. We spent time together before we had to meet with everyone else--talking, joking, and reassuring each other. We went with him to draw his weapon at 0330. We sat around talking, joking, and taking pictures (Aaron has the camera, so when he can send them, I'll post some). A little after 0400 we went to brigade to see him off. We got to spend most of the time with him--all but maybe 5 minutes. We hugged and kissed--he hugged his mom.

Then that damn white bus came. It pulled into the parking lot around 0430-0445. It was taunting us. Just sitting there reminding us that it would take Aaron away and we wouldn't hear from him for a couple of days. It was like it was staring me in the face--mocking me and how sad I was becoming.

It became time for him to go. I hadn't cried the whole time we were on post until then. I saw his mom crying, him hugging her and reassuring her that he'd be home soon. I lost it. I didn't want to see him go. Aaron came to me last, wrapped me up and told me not to let go. I told him that I loved him and would see him soon. We said more to each other, but it's a blur right now after only an hour of sleep the whole night. He let go and started walking away. He didn't look back--for that I'm thankful. I wanted to run after him and storm the bus and take it over and drive everyone away. If he'd have looked back I seriously might have--I was ready to run. I watched him get up on the bus and find a seat in the front. Moments later the bus started to lurch forward. We stood in the same spot we'd been standing anticipating the moment we saw him for the last time.

As soon as I saw him, I waved...blew a kiss and mouthed "I love you, always..forever." I don't know if he knew or saw what I mouthed, but in his heart I know he did. I am trying not to dwell on the sad parts of the day--instead the times we were laughing--how we saw the new Batman 3 times in the past week and would quote it back to each other and smile--how he told me he'd be back and would call as soon as possible. Every time I say out loud "I love you" or "I'm fine baby" or "See you soon" I pray it's from my lips to God to Aaron's heart.

It's never goodbye--it's always see you soon

Everything right now is so surreal. Aaron leaves in two days (early Friday morning) and it just seems like time is running out. We're packing up tonight and moving out of his sisters house and will be in a hotel in Killeen through Friday morning. We'll be leaving our dog behind, and tonight is the last night that Aaron will get to see our sweet puppy.
There's an FRG meeting Saturday morning, but I'm not sure I will have the strength or courage to go so soon after he's left. I'm still not sure. I'll be heading back to Norman soon--hopefully getting back into a routine of work and school will help calm my nerves and ease any fears I have. I don't know--

--I do know that I'm not ready to say goodbye, or rather see you soon.

Time is running out and I can't slow it down.--

I just don't want to forget

It is suddenly becoming more of a realization that I only have a few more weeks left with Aaron. We planned one of our final weekends here with each other, tonight. We're gonna go see the Batman movie at the IMAX and then go to eat at a nice steakhouse as our final hoorah.

It didn't really hit me until today when Aaron made the comment that he just likes spending the days with me as much as possible. He had the day off today so we so lovingly spent the day together trying to fix the flat tire on the miata. What a pain in the ass! But we got it done and were able to come home and spend the evening together. I cooked dinner (lasagna and my oh so yummy smoked green beans) for Aaron and his sister Sarah and her husband Heath. After that we curled up on the couch and watched the movie High Crimes together. It was nice just to sit on the couch curled up together.

I've been to one FRG meeting with 2-12--I really liked it! The girls were amazing and so helpful and I've already made several new friends. We're meeting again this Thursday and again at the end of this month and it's just exciting. They're all so willing and so helpful...it's just really encouraging.

My biggest fear is that I'll forget. I don't want to forget what it's like to hold hands or kiss or hug or curl up on the couch together or how bad my head hurts after he elbows me in the middle of the night :) I just don't want to forget....any of it.

We finally have news!

Aaron finally reported to the brigade today. It was a rocky start for him, though. We have been planning all along for him to go to 4th BCT and today he was told he wasn't going to be going to 4th BCT, but instead to 1st BCT, which as of now isn't getting deployed until Jan '09. Aaron waited to talk to the G1 in charge and explained our situation. He has been getting emails from the rear detachment officer for 4th BCT and we both have been planning for this deployment. We got married early, sold his car, got my own place for me in Norman, he didn't move anything down here, and we would be in a big financial bind if he did not deploy with 4th BCT. But thankfully the G1 he talked to understood our situation and is going to put him with 4th BCT.

We are still waiting to hear what BN he'll be assigned to. Hopefully he knows that tomorrow, but for sure by Friday. He knows where he's going, though can't tell me specifics. But he assures me he's not going to Baghdad and will be safe. I don't care where he is, as long as he's safe: that's been my prayer all along. He has one last bit of training left to go through starting in a couple of weeks and will for sure be here through mid July (yay!) So I am officially dropping my summer school class and we will be here until then. After his training is over he will be ready to deploy but even then he might not leave until August, depending on when the next flight is. It's all good news. I have gone from thinking I was only going to have 2 weeks with my husband to over a month and a half. I still am praying for his safety, naturally, but also that he makes friends in his BN. That doesn't sound like a thing his wife would say, but I do. He's going behind the curve so to speak and doesn't know anyone there. I know there will be people who he will become friends with; we all know those southern boys stick together =)

I'm glad that his deployment is happening now. I'm excited for him in some ways, sad in others, but ready too...at least I think I am. I'm ready to meet other wives, make new friends, and to learn all that I can. Once he knows his BN, I'll be able to get in touch with the FRG representative. I'll be distracted by trying to graduate and get my real estate license...or go into pharmaceutical sales...to overly worry...I'll still worry. But at least with these distractions I have to focus on school too. I'll also have my amazing friends in Norman who have been so supportive of us both that have already promised to keep me busy. I'll have the other wives to talk to and hopefully FRG events to come down for.

I was a little stressed and confused yesterday as we tried to set up our tricare insurance. I know it's because I'm young and don't know a whole lot...or really anything about medical insurance besides what I'm exposed to at work and what I've been told...but I just didn't understand what the lady that was helping us yesterday was saying. Maybe she didn't understand my questions, I have no idea. I just hoped we picked the right plan. I just have this weird complex about picking doctors out of a phone book, which is essentially what I had to do yesterday. Every doctor I have ever been to, I have known someone else (family or friend) that have been their first and didn't have any problems. So selecting a doctor off a page based basically off their name was a little challenging for me, and maybe that's dumb...but I'm just not used to it. Oh well, only 1 more day of hotel for us and we get to go see our sweet dog, Chuck. (Actually I saw him today when I had to go back to get a letter from Cedar Park, but still he's my baby and I miss him!)

I'm super excited that my wedding scrapbook will be here hopefully by Friday and my Hero on My Arm purse (SO CUTE!) will be here in two weeks!! I'm ready to represent my husband and support my troops hehe! =)

The Joy's of In-Processing

Aaron and I woke up this morning and made our way to Killeen. We got there a little after 9 and were directed to the visitors center to get our pass and start in-processing from there. They sent us to the main in-processing building where Aaron had to fill out a little bit of paper work. From there they sent us to another building to check in with someone else and then he sent us to III Corps for Aaron to sign in (I had to wait in the car since it was 100% ID check and I hadn't gotten my card yet). Since that all only took an hour (surprisingly) we went back to the main building and got me my ID card and DEERS. Aaron's going to put me on his insurance next week. After that we went to housing, then to the on post hotel to get the statement of non-availability for us to be reimbursed for our hotel. By then it was a little after 11 and we went back to the visitors center to register our car...that was fun.

We waited in line, got called to the desk, started working on the paper work and were told we couldn't finish. We're in the process of transferring the title of my car from my parents name to our name, and the registration as well. Since it's not in our name yet, we couldn't get the tag for it. But the guy told us we could go next door and take care of it. So we tried that. But since we don't live in Bell county and all of the title stuff is being done through Tarrant county, it has to be done there.

Oh well, we are getting it all worked out. All in all, it wasn't a bad day. We were done before noon, they told Aaron he was off till 0530 Monday..so no going back tomorrow 'cause their off. And everyone was really nice and patient with us when we had questions. The lady that was helping us with my ID card was pretty funny. She had to go through and get all my information put in the system and then asked for my eye and hair color, height, and weight. I laughed at the latter and asked if we could be on the gracious side. She laughed back and said "Oh of course, we women are always gracious when it comes to that." I chuckled.

On another note, I miss my family--especially my sister since she's in MN--but it's reassuring how supportive they are of us both. They have all offered to help us in whatever way they can and I'm grateful for that.

Lt. and Mrs!!!

Well It's been a while since I've been on here, but now it's official...I'm a Mrs. now. Aaron and I went down to San Antonio for a couple of days, it was a lot of fun...our favorite part was feeding the dolphins at Sea World...it only took 5 minutes, but it was the coolest thing ever.

We came to Austin after SA to hang out with my new in-laws. They just bought a new house outside of Austin and it's beautiful! I love it out here, Aaron does too...some day he wants to live out here in the hill country...I wouldn't mind.

Aaron heard from his brigade XO the other day, and he could have up to two months here instead of up to two weeks, which is good. I'm dropping my summer school class and will pick it back up in the fall to be with him until he leaves. I'm excited to get this new chapter started in my life, but am anxious as well. When we report on Thursday, it should be an interesting day to say the least. We have so much to take care of before then...there will be a lot of early mornings this week as we try to prepare to report and get everything squared away.

Oh well, bring it on!

40 days and counting...

We got engaged two and a half months ago. (The picture is from right after it happened)

AND!! ONLY!!

40 days until we're officially Lt. and Mrs. =)

I'm really excited. And not motivated at all to do anything even remotely related to school. I don't even know if I want to take a maymester class, even though Aaron and I will both be up here, I just don't know that I am motivated to do it. But on the other hand, it would be a good idea to go ahead and get it out of the way since we both WILL be up here. But I feel like it will be too hard to stay motivated knowing that in two weeks from then we will be getting married. And I'll need to go home at least once before then to get our marriage license and take care of cake/food stuff. Ah. I just don't know what to do. I need an extra me to take my class for me and then I can just do wedding stuff.

I'm going stir crazy though. Aaron is in the field all week and I won't be able to talk to him until Friday. That's the hardest part, not being able to talk to him. While he's in Iraq, I think I can get over the not seeing him part if I can at least talk to him every day, or every other day. It's too hard not to talk to him about stuff going on. Like I have to wait until Friday to talk to him about my maymester class stuff...and I also have to wait until Friday for us to determine a date when we can go home to get our marriage license. And I also have to tell him that I didn't get football tickets because I wanted to save money, and most likely wouldn't go to many anyways. All stuff I wish I could consult with him about now.

Oh well. It'll all work out. June 1, 2008 will be here in no time and I will be married to THE most amazing man in the world. What's there to complain about? (except for having to study for my purchaser behavior test tomorrow...boo)

I have my moments....

I think we all do. Yesterday was my day to have a moment...to be angry...

I'm not motivated to do anything school related at the moment. I should be studying for my test tomorrow, but I have no desire or motivation to do so and I don't care. I did so well on my first test and marketing stuff comes naturally to me...haha maybe not so much tomorrow during my test.

Aaron's deployment is at the forefront of my mind constantly. I'm trying to exhaust every available resource that I can, and find people who are willing to help me. I'm new to this whole Army wife thing...or at least in 44 days I will be (but who's counting??). I want to do as much as I can to help Aaron, and I'm sure he knows that...probably because he's the only one who reads my blog...maybe? haha

I'm hoping that he likes his brigade and can make friends (I sound like my mom on my first day of kindergarten--Love you mom!!). I'm sure he will stray on the young side of the group, but I could be totally wrong in that assumption.

I dunno--I guess now I want some guidance. I'm young, I'm new at this...I'll take all the advice I can get with open arms. I want to make friends with his brigade buddies wives. It's like the cool kids club at school that you're not apart of (yet) and want to be so badly...but I guess I'll have my turn soon enough...

Maybe it's silly...I dunno...
Aaron's excited...to serve
I'm excited...to meet new people from all walks of life

But I'm also proud of my soldier for serving his country as well as the rest of the soldiers that risk their lives to protect my freedoms....for that I will always be grateful

But on a completely unrelated note..."our" (okay Aaron's) dog...but really our dog, Chuck, was a little tired after all the festivities this past weekend and passed out on my mom......hehe
(make sure the volume is up a bit)

2 tests, 2 finals, & 2 presentations until it's over

My week has been any and everything less than great. I've been stressed trying to get projects done and finding time to study for tests. There are 2 1/2 weeks left in school and they can't come soon enough. But at the same time, I have so much to do between now and then. I had a test today, and I finished up a project that's due Thursday so that I could study for a test I have on Thursday.

I went to study with a friend of mine, and we came across some questions. Our professor has always told us that if we had questions to never hesitate to call him. So I did. Well when we finally were able to get in touch with each other, and I asked my questions, I immediately regretted my decision to call. My professor who is so nice in class, cares about his students and their concerns, was so rude to me and made me feel dumb. I just wanted clarification on two points because there was a lot of information detailed in both questions and I wanted to make sure I was on the right track with my thinking. Well instead my professor made me feel dumb for having questions, and solidified my feelings of never calling again with a question. He told me to pick what I thought was important and study that. Well it doesn't matter what I think is important, I'm not the one who wrote the test, he is. So going through 5 pages worth of information and picking out what's important to me, knowing it might not be important to my professor to test me on seems like a waste of time.

On top of all that, my professor tells me not to worry. He's "sure [I] have other things on my mind right now, and [am] pretty busy." Really? It's not enough that I have a bunch of school stuff to do between now and the next two weeks, I also have a wedding to plan, a new dress to find, invitations to be sent out (thank the good Lord my mom is doing that), a cake to pick out, figure out what food to serve, pray for Aaron to come back from Iraq safe & sound, and in one piece, all while preparing for his upcoming deployment....it's a bit much right now, but I don't expect that anyone knows what kind of stress I'm going through and that's OK. I don't handle stress like most people and it effects me differently than most people. I don't like to talk about it much, I'm better at writing it out, because talking only makes me more frustrated and stressed. But I guess I work best under stress and it motivates me to get stuff done because at the end of the big long stress tunnel is a day where I can do nothing but lay in bed and watch TV.

Oh how I wish that day was tomorrow....

Or better yet, I wish I could fast forward to a year from now--then I'd be done with school, have my real estate license, and my then husband will be on his way back from Iraq.

C'mon Summer 2009....

Life is known for throwing curve balls

Well, in my attempt to keep my sanity through out this army wife process (and the occasional "study" break) I thought I would post my thoughts for all to see. I don't know how consistent I will be, but hopefully I keep up.

I've been trying to get through school at OU and graduate in December. Two months ago, my now fiance' Aaron proposed to me. So I've been in the middle of my 1st semester as a senior and trying to plan a wedding at the same time. I got the venue. I got the dress. It was coming together. Then Friday night, Aaron got a phone call from one of his brigade commanders.

This is my curve ball.

Aaron will be deploying shortly after he reports to Ft. Hood in the middle of June. His tour will be roughly a year. This means that instead of planning for our wedding in December, we are now getting married in 49 days (Not that I'm counting or anything).

We decided to go ahead and get married June 1, 2008 before he leaves in a small ceremony in my backyard. When he gets back in 2009 we still plan on having a big ceremony. It's hard to believe that in a few months I will be married and my husband will be gone to Iraq to protect my freedom. It's hard to believe that for a year I won't be able to take the little things for granted anymore...we can't spend Saturday curled up on the couch watching TV all day. We can't go to "cool shit" on the weekends (as he has been advised to do to keep our relationship interesting). I guess it won't be as bad as it sounds. For most of Aaron's tour, I will be finishing up school and then moving back down to Texas to be with friends and family.

Of course I cried a lot on Friday, and it's still all setting in. It won't be the last time I cry either, but I just have to remember to have faith. And then pray for Aaron's safety...and my sanity....